does he want me? does he not? are we friends only? no longer lovers? is this the end to a wonderful love affair? or a stepping stone to something more?
At this point I have come to one conclusion -- boys are stupid and make no sense whatsoever! --and yet, I still want the idiot...
Now I'll have my "Carrie Bradshaw" moment -- is it him I want, or is it that I don't want to be alone? I suppose it's a combination of both. But is it healthy to still want someone who seems to consider you a disposable factor in his life? At what point does wanting become unhealthy desperation?
~glo <3
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Love...???
What is it? I've asked myself this question many different times, but now I ask you...
I grew up in a time filled with fairytales...hopes of "Prince Charming", "Dreams Come True" and "Happily Ever After"...believe me I have a serious bone to pick with Walt Disney! :) Don't get me wrong, I've loved...and I've lost...all of them...but still I'm optimistic (most of the time). I know there is no such thing as perfect, and every relationship requires effort from both partners, but it seems more and more that there is no equality, and that one is always less willing to try than the other. I look at couples in my family and I admire them, so many have reached the 30+ years milestone, but it leaves me with the realization that I may never see that for myself. How did they get there? How do you know when you've finally found "the one"? I thought I had found mine...a couple of times...but they're gone...happy and making it work with someone else. How was I so wrong? And this is what brings up the question, do I even know what "love" is anymore? Did I ever know?
It seems that nowadays people just don't value each other anymore, they're always looking for something better, always wanting something more, never realizing what they have until there is no one left to turn to. A lot of people will say you should never settle, but shouldn't you in some ways? Isn't that part of "settling down"? There is no one perfect person. We're all flawed. We're all damaged. We've all been broken. So what's wrong with taking some of our broken pieces and putting them together with another's? Maybe then one (or two) could become whole again...or maybe that's just my warped version of a fairytale now...
I recently had a conversation about trying and giving up...we discussed how I tried in my marriage for 12 years and how his ex-wife barely made any effort at all. He asked me if I thought the efforts he made were not enough, but I think once a person has made up their mind you could fly them to the moon and back and they would still leave once you land. So what can you do? Is there a point when enough is enough? Was I wrong to finally give up after 12 years of being the only one trying? Should his ex have made more of an effort? When the other party checks out are you just supposed to ride it out for the sake of reaching a milestone? I think not. I know of a couple who have been together for nearly 20 years and their entire relationship is filled with lies and infidelities...and not just one or two indiscretions, I am talking several, repeatedly over the years, but they go on with happy faces and most people are none the wiser...but what's the point? How can a relationship survive like that? I guess it just comes down to personal opinions and beliefs...but is that what love is? Do you just ignore all the wrongs, no matter how hurtful, and continue on? How is that healthy?
It makes me wonder why people even bother getting married anymore. You can promise yourself to each other, you can even wear rings if you want to, so why do you need a fancy piece of paper? The paper is not what matters...it's your word...your promise...your intentions that matter. Yes, I would like very much to have someone be by my side to enjoy life with and to grow old with, but I don't need a judge or a priest to make that official...I just need someone with an honest heart...but is that asking too much? Honesty, Love, & Respect...seems to me the perfect combination...I think one cannot have "Love" without "Honesty" and "Respect" holding it together. Of course that's coming from someone who questions the meaning of love so take and do what you will with that.
I suppose the bottom line to all of this is that there is no true model for love. We all have our own beliefs and our own values. We know what works for us. We know what we will tolerate and accept. And who's to say if it's right or wrong? Just because good ol Walt Disney shared his dreams of love with us doesn't mean that's what he lived...perhaps those stories were just his way of coping with a less than "perfect" reality...I mean after all, isn't that what dreams are for?
I'm not sure if I've answered my own question or just completely confused myself, and you, more. Perhaps it's simply that there is no answer. It doesn't seem realistic to compare the love of today to the love people found over 30 years ago. It was a different time, a different world. Things were not necessarily easier, but I think they were less complicated. Maybe I'm just an old soul trapped in a new era trying to make sense of what I see before me...maybe...
At any rate, take what you will from this little rambling of mine. If it's somehow helped then great. If it's confused you beyond all realms of logical thinking then I apologize...and welcome you to my world... :)
I grew up in a time filled with fairytales...hopes of "Prince Charming", "Dreams Come True" and "Happily Ever After"...believe me I have a serious bone to pick with Walt Disney! :) Don't get me wrong, I've loved...and I've lost...all of them...but still I'm optimistic (most of the time). I know there is no such thing as perfect, and every relationship requires effort from both partners, but it seems more and more that there is no equality, and that one is always less willing to try than the other. I look at couples in my family and I admire them, so many have reached the 30+ years milestone, but it leaves me with the realization that I may never see that for myself. How did they get there? How do you know when you've finally found "the one"? I thought I had found mine...a couple of times...but they're gone...happy and making it work with someone else. How was I so wrong? And this is what brings up the question, do I even know what "love" is anymore? Did I ever know?
It seems that nowadays people just don't value each other anymore, they're always looking for something better, always wanting something more, never realizing what they have until there is no one left to turn to. A lot of people will say you should never settle, but shouldn't you in some ways? Isn't that part of "settling down"? There is no one perfect person. We're all flawed. We're all damaged. We've all been broken. So what's wrong with taking some of our broken pieces and putting them together with another's? Maybe then one (or two) could become whole again...or maybe that's just my warped version of a fairytale now...
I recently had a conversation about trying and giving up...we discussed how I tried in my marriage for 12 years and how his ex-wife barely made any effort at all. He asked me if I thought the efforts he made were not enough, but I think once a person has made up their mind you could fly them to the moon and back and they would still leave once you land. So what can you do? Is there a point when enough is enough? Was I wrong to finally give up after 12 years of being the only one trying? Should his ex have made more of an effort? When the other party checks out are you just supposed to ride it out for the sake of reaching a milestone? I think not. I know of a couple who have been together for nearly 20 years and their entire relationship is filled with lies and infidelities...and not just one or two indiscretions, I am talking several, repeatedly over the years, but they go on with happy faces and most people are none the wiser...but what's the point? How can a relationship survive like that? I guess it just comes down to personal opinions and beliefs...but is that what love is? Do you just ignore all the wrongs, no matter how hurtful, and continue on? How is that healthy?
It makes me wonder why people even bother getting married anymore. You can promise yourself to each other, you can even wear rings if you want to, so why do you need a fancy piece of paper? The paper is not what matters...it's your word...your promise...your intentions that matter. Yes, I would like very much to have someone be by my side to enjoy life with and to grow old with, but I don't need a judge or a priest to make that official...I just need someone with an honest heart...but is that asking too much? Honesty, Love, & Respect...seems to me the perfect combination...I think one cannot have "Love" without "Honesty" and "Respect" holding it together. Of course that's coming from someone who questions the meaning of love so take and do what you will with that.
I suppose the bottom line to all of this is that there is no true model for love. We all have our own beliefs and our own values. We know what works for us. We know what we will tolerate and accept. And who's to say if it's right or wrong? Just because good ol Walt Disney shared his dreams of love with us doesn't mean that's what he lived...perhaps those stories were just his way of coping with a less than "perfect" reality...I mean after all, isn't that what dreams are for?
I'm not sure if I've answered my own question or just completely confused myself, and you, more. Perhaps it's simply that there is no answer. It doesn't seem realistic to compare the love of today to the love people found over 30 years ago. It was a different time, a different world. Things were not necessarily easier, but I think they were less complicated. Maybe I'm just an old soul trapped in a new era trying to make sense of what I see before me...maybe...
At any rate, take what you will from this little rambling of mine. If it's somehow helped then great. If it's confused you beyond all realms of logical thinking then I apologize...and welcome you to my world... :)
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Turning Tables - Adele (Lyrics)
I'm actually becoming thankful for my obliterated heart...as I continue putting these pieces together I do so on my own, and doing it alone I think makes me value it even more...many people have suffered broken hearts but often at their own doing, and when it happens they always have someone waiting in the wings to cushion the blow...how do you learn anything from that??? I prefer to free fall...no parachute...no safety net...that's how you learn what you're made of, that's how you learn to live, and that's how you become the person you were meant to be...I tell myself this quote every day "You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." :)
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
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